Dreadnok Dust-Up Day 2: The First Three

When I was a kid, there was nothing I loved more than a toy line with multiple factions. Going beyond the usual good vs. evil dichotomy and introducing a third element always added an interesting layer to things. Masters of the Universe had The Horde, a group which I loved, but looking them now, are a little on the desperate side. And of course, there's no group of bad guys more fragmented and self serving than Cobra. There was the Iron Grenadiers, the Crimson Guard, and so many others all furthering their own goals while paying lip service to Cobra Command. And among the first of these factions to appear was the Dreadnoks.

I wonder how much of an influence these guys had on my eventual punk rock phase? At any rate, they made a hell of on an impact on me as a kid- They were so striking, unlike anything else in the Joe line up to that point. Not to mention these guys sport pneumatic jaws, blowtorches and a freaking chainsaw! Each one of them (but Buzzer in particular) were instant favourites. And do the 25th anniversary versions live up to the classic versions? Eh, pretty well, I guess. I know, talk about a ringing endorsement. Well, each of these guys has good stuff, and bad stuff. These are from pretty early in the 25th line, so we have to expect a few... Less than ideal parts, but are overall pretty darn good for their time. Let's break the team down, shall we?

We're going to kick things off with my personal favourite of the three- Mr. Dick Blinken, aka Buzzer. An intellectual sucked into the biker lifestyle while researching them, Buzzer now expresses himself  not through words, but through his chainsaw.  This is a pretty darn good recreation of the original Buzzer- With a couple of nice added touches, like the plate metal shoulder guard. He's from pretty early in the 25th anniversary line, so he does suffer from a pretty serious case of diapercrotch and the hippiness that goes along with it, but as I said, sometimes concessions to time must be made.

He's got a nice mean headsculpt, pretty reminiscent of Zartan's, actually, with the raised eyebrow. The hair looks great, even if it means he can't look straight ahead with his backpack on. And he finally gets his goggles! On the card art, in the comics, and on the cartoon, buzzer always had goggles. But the classic ARAH had these fairly lame rectangular sunglasses. I'm pretty sure that previous versions of the figure from the 90s and early 2000s actually featured the goggles, but we're all about the modern line here and how they stack up to the classic ARAH line here on Little Clear Elastics, so those don't count.

Pretty light on the accessories- I really miss that mourning star/axe thingy of his, but what the lack in quantity, they make up for in quality.

Okay, so the gascan is not so impressive. Just wait...

BZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoo, that's nasty looking! And there's an awful lot of detail in there for what was among the first of the 25th anniversary line. I guess Hasbro knew there'd be a lot of people like me out there clamouring for a mean modern Buzzer, so they didn't mess around.

Overall, this guy is a big win. I can overlook the diapercrotch, and I can overlook the fact that mine looks like his arm has been first torn out and then clumsily jammed back into the socket by a drunken Croc Master. This guy looks great. Moving along-

We have Tom Winken. An ex Merchant Marine, he's a pro with a cutting torch as well as an extremely violent and deeply stupid man. Perfect for the Dreadnoks! Now, unfortunately Buzzer was the only one of the three original Dreadnoks to get all new parts- And Torch gets the worst of it. That's right, he's a straight up headswap of that most feared and dreaded of all 25th Joe bodies- Gung Ho! Remember when I said we need to make concessions? Even in '07 everyone complained about this crap mold. No arm mobility, can't stand up straight even with the stand, and the most uselessly tiny hands this side of T-Rex. There is virtually nothing good to say about this mold from a design point of view- It's fine esthetically, but otherwise? Ugh.

Nice headsculpt, though. Sure looks like Torch! I like how thick his chops are. That's all I got.

Again, the gear is pretty basic- Backpack (a gas container again, as it happens) and weapon, in this case a shrimpy little torch he can't hold.

That's pretty much the best you can hope for.

So does he stand up to the classic? I guess so, although in the slightest way possible. I don't know that it would've been worth it to Hasbro to spend a bunch of money on what would have turned out to be only a slightly better looking figure of a character that is not particularly iconic to begin with, but I wish they'd had a better shirtless dude mold around at the time. Overall? Looks good on the shelf if you can find a pose he'll hold. Wrapping up the terrible trio-

We get to Harry Nod, or Ripper. Perhaps the most recognizable Dreadnok with his beard and Mohawk combo, I've always thought he was the most cartoony of the bunch. He's certainly got a cartoony backstory- Expelled from nursery school for extorting candy from the other children, he is every bit the inveterate and unreformable thug of every tough on crime right wing politician's darkest fantasy. Here, the big H has decided to reuse Buzzer's arms and legs and give Ripper a new torso and head. Although they kept the diapercrotch. Interesting choice, fellas! But it comes together nicely to form a rough and tumble update of the ol' Ripster. The tattoo is a nice touch!

A decent headsculpt this time around, but nothing to write home over. A little lacking in detail, but I guess you don't need a ton of detail with a guy like this. Beard, Mo', and red shades. Check, check and check.

He's got his Jaws of Life, which is probably a misnomer in his hands, and they now have moving jaws! Cool beans! It's basically not possible for him to hold the thing with both hands though. I guess he's so tough he can operate them one handed? He also has his pack which kind of holds the jaws on, as long as there's no vibrations whatsoever within fifty feet.

The photons emitted by the flash were enough to knock the thing off immediately after this photo was taken.

He also has his giant bayonet gun, which is here represented by the one that came with my Zarana, as I have the comic pack Ripper, who comes with a solid silver version. The single card comes with a black and silver one like this one. Now *that* is minutiae.

I seriously need better lighting.

So overall? This is kind of a big ugly lug of a figure, but it's a big ugly lug of a character, too, so that works out alright.

On a slightly more personal note, I can never hate on Torch and Ripper too much as they're the ones responsible for my return to collecting. One day about two and a half years ago I was browsing Big Bad Toy Store for birthday gifts for a buddy (shoutout Fortress of Chaos!) when I stumbled upon a big Joe lot for cheap in the clearance section. Five comic packs for $20- Pretty hard to go wrong. Still, I was a little unconvinced. I browsed the included packs- "Hawk and Scarlett... whatever, Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow, of course, freaking DREADNOKS? I gotta buy this!" And so I did. And the rest, as they say, is history.

So what do I think of the first three? As a trio, they look good on the shelf. There's a ton of problems, but most of them can be overlooked. Torch sucks pretty hard, but I'm happy with the guys. And I would have been happy if they stopped there. But of course they didn't. Hasbro knows how to grab my dollars. Next time we check some of the Dreadnoks 2nd wave of recruits.

I know I usually have more shots at the end here, but it was a super efficient photoshoot that day.